Improving Communication in Marriage

What is real communication?

To communicate means to overcome the desire to conceal feelings and thoughts which lead to honesty of expression.  -- Henry Brandt

A study was done by Gallup Public Opinion Poll, and this was the finding - A couple's ability to communicate is the single most important contributing factor to a stable and satisfying relationship.  The quality of relationships among couples with excellent communication is strikingly better than those with less satisfactory communication.  (source : O J Gibson's Better Homes & Marriages).

The conclusions from these two parties seem to be that the level of trust in a relationship appears closely tied to the couple's ability to communicate, and that real communication is more than a dialogue consisting of merely words and responses between people.

In the fourth session of "Better Homes & Marriages with the 5 Love Languages", the moderator described communication in this way - A person (the sender) transmit a message to another person (the receiver).  However, this message may be sent on a frequency that's different from the receiver's.  There may also be noises, both internal and external, which may cloud the message.  The sender's and the receiver's feelings play a part in this transmission as well.  When the message has been sent, the receiver has to sieve through all these to decipher the actual meaning.

So how does one improve communication, not just in a marriage but in general as well?

Some of the tips given were...

• Listen for emotional overtones which may reveal hurt, anger, bitterness, frustration or discouragement.
• Clarify instead of jumping into conclusions (more often than not, they are wrong conclusions).  If attacked verbally, don't be quick to go on the defence or the offence.
• Don't tune out even if it may be something that has been said before.  No selective listening and don't let the mind wander.
• No sarcasm.
• If one is naturally quiet, make a point to contribute to the conversation.  If not, give others a chance to talk too.
• Do not interrupt.
• Learn to discuss rather than argue.

Looking at the above tips, there is little wonder that communication is an art...