Overcoming Selfishness in the Marriage Relationship

Selfishness comes naturally.  Also known as self-centredness, it is more evident in some people and less in others, but it is in everyone.  Even one who believes in the Lord Jesus Christ has to struggle with the selfishness that rears its ugly head when he does not yield to the Holy Spirit in him.  In the third session of "Better Homes and Marriages with the 5 Love Languages", this was what the Swallow and her coursemates learnt.

In a marriage, selfishness is usually the root cause to problems that surface in the relationship.  The unwillingness to put the other party's needs above one's own need, the reluctance to see the other's point of view, the seeking of one's right regardless...day in, day out, year in, year out, these will cast a toll on the marriage relationship thus the increasing number of marriages breaking down.  Even marriage relationships between believers.

How can a couple avoid the road to divorce?  By overcoming selfishness in the marriage relationship.  But this leads to the next question...how can a couple overcome selfishness?

Mark 9 : 33 - 35 (TEV)
They came to Capernaum, and after going indoors Jesus asked His disciples, "What were you arguing about on the road?"  But they would not answer Him, because on the road they had been arguing among themselves about who was the greatest.  Jesus sat down, called the twelve disciples, and said to them, "Whoever wants to be first must place himself last of all and be the servant of all."

In theory, most believers in the Lord Jesus Christ know this passage.  However, in practice, it is one of the more difficult passage to live out.  Moreso in a marriage relationship because one sees the sinful nature in the other party clearly.  Nothing stays hidden.  A joke was shared during the session...in courtship, love is blind; in marriage, the eyes are opened!

To overcome selfishness in the marriage relationship, the couple has to first believe that only the Lord God can help them to do so, then commit themselves to do the following

• on a daily basis, live, speak and relate to each other under the Lordship of Christ
• resolve to let the Lord Jesus Christ, and not their emotions, be their guide
• do a fearless daily check of actions and speech, and make necessary confessions to the Lord God and to each other
• when wrong, admit frankly without excuses
• when wrong, listen without arguing or putting up a defence
• consistently be kind and thoughtful to each other
• seek to look out for each other's needs instead of own needs
• listen to each other regularly
• make a good relationship with each other a top priority
• remember how patient the Lord Jesus has been to them

How many of the above points can the Swallow and her coursemates say that they are doing?  Do they find it easy to overcome selfishness in their marriage relationships?  No!  No!  No!  For they are also sinful creatures with selfishness in them.  However, because they believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is in them and when they yield themselves to the Holy Spirit, they will be able to overcome this selfishness in them with His help, wisdom and guidance.

May they learn to yield themselves to the Holy Spirit, and may the Lord God be praised when others see the beautiful marriage relationships they have!