One Flesh or Two Individuals?

The first part of the first session of "Better Homes & Marriages with the 5 Love Languages" touched on the issue of being 'one flesh'.  What does this mean?  What does the Word of God say about this?  Do the two individuals that come together in marriage lose their identity?

The course's moderator started the session going with this question "What comes to mind when the word 'family' is mentioned?".  Answers like unity, love, support, belonging, were thrown back.  Yes, a family encompasses all these, and a family is needed for survival.  That was the Lord God's idea of a family.

Genesis 2 : 18 (NKJV)
And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

Genesis 2 : 24 (NKJV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

These two verses highlight the Lord God's intention for a marriage.  The Lord God instituted marriage to bring two individuals, a man and a woman, together to become one flesh that when others look at this relationship, they see a unit, a team, and a partnership.  These two individuals are the basis of a family.  It means even when there are no children, a family has been formed when a man and a woman come together in marriage.

However, it is so sad that nowadays, it seems to be 'normal' for a marriage to break down. The marriage is so easily given up. Almost everyday, one can read or hear about celebrities whose marriages are on the rocks. The usually-given reason is incomparable differences.  Different views on children's upbringing, relationship with parents or in-laws, and money problems may fall under this reason.  What has happened to God's intention for a marriage? What is the real cause for marriage breakdowns?

The real cause?  The Lord God has been left out of the marriage.

For a marriage to be truly successful in all dimensions, the Lord God is an essential part of the marriage. When the first priority is right, all other priorities will fall into place.

Priority is explained in the Collins English Dictionary as "most important thing that must be dealt with first" or "right to be or go before others".

In life, there are many priorities. For the baby, his priority is his mother and food (not necessarily in that order). As he grows physically, his priorities will increase to include his father, siblings and toys. Later on, there will be extended families, school and friends, then career, etc...

In a marriage, what should the husband's / wife's priorites be? The Word of God has these answers

• God and His Kingdom should be first - Matthew 6 : 33 (NKJV), "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
• The eternal should take precedence over the temporal - 2 Corinthians 4 : 18 (NKJV), "While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
• The spiritual should take precedence over the physical - Matthew 6 : 19 - 20 (NKJV), "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, whereoth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal."
• People should take precedence over things - Mark 8 : 36 - 37 (NKJV), "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"

In Genesis 2 : 24, the act of leaving means to be independent of parents - geographically, emotionally, financially.  The cleaving or joining with his wife brings across a couple who is holding fast or clinging to each other.  The couple is inseparably joined together, as if they are glued or welded together, in a strong foundation that will bring them through calm waters as well as troubled waters.  'One flesh' is the mystery of marriage. It is a process of the husband completing his wife, and the wife completing her husband - physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially.

The relationship between husband and wife is to be second only to their relationship with the Lord God.  It has top priority over everything else.  As such, for one who wants to obey the Lord God, his priorities would be

1. God
2. husband / wife
3. other relationships

So where is the children's, parents', in-laws', career's, hobbies' and church ministry's place in the order of priorities?  They, based on the Word of God, would fall under 'other relationships'.  One of the Swallow's coursemates asked the question "How do we rank the priority of all those that fall under the 'other relationships' then?".  An apt question, and the answer to this question differs for everyone.  Each must seek wisdom from the Lord God to find his own answer.

In a nutshell, when one's relationship with the Lord God is right, the marriage relationship will be strong. When the husband's relationship with the Lord God is right, he will lead his family well, and love his wife in spite of her weaknesses. When the wife's relationship with the Lord God is right, she will be a comparable helper to her husband, and able to submit to his authority even when she disagrees with him.

Does one want his marriage to be a blessing in the way that the Lord God meant it to be? Does one want to change his currently-a-burden-of-a-marriage to be a marriage that is "made-in-heaven"? Then he will have to look at what his priorities are...